Two Questions Reviews, Only One Answer.

Hunger Games [iOS] Do you hate Hunger Games? Do you want to hate it more? Get this app 1/10.

Blade of Darkness Shadowland [iOS] Do you hate your life? Want to hate it more? Get this app 3/10.

iRoll Dice {iOS] Do you like dice? Do you hate the only fun thing about them, which is rolling them? Get this app 2/10.

Kingdoms of Amalur [PC, PS3, Xbox 360]

Some people have been asking me to review Kingdoms of Amalur (KoA) as I have been playing it and by some people I mean no one and by asking I mean, fictitiously within my mind. I give it a punishment mark of 7.9/10, why?

Because it really adds the action element that Skyrim was missing. Sure it's EA and thus any bugs in it have no support whatsoever as they pump out pay-for-DLC but the game shipped with way less bugs than Skyrim. Sure you don't care about half of the dialogue spoken to you but you didn't care about the same ratio in Skyrim either, and sure it makes no sense why most people are Irish but neither does rampant alcoholism on St. Patrick's day. The point is you get fast paced combat that gets more exciting as you level up and get to explore the possibilities of your character.

You get to beat stuff up in your own way. Get bored of your class? Well just change it, you have no fate, so nothing is set in stone in this game. At times it takes itself a little seriously but for the most part it is a game that realises it is a game and lets you do what you want which is fun and refreshing especially for RPGs.

I love the graphic style and these alleged reviewers with their criticisms of it seem mad. Sure it can be cartoony but it is in a fantasy world and for the most part they capture the beauty of that setting. Faeries whizz about the forests and beautiful waterfalls flow into rivers and dales. This is the fantasy world you read about, you know in books. I quite like the way KoA has taken classic fantasy beasts and interpreted them in it's own way whilst adding new and exciting creatures.

Some things do let it down though. It lacks the support of Skyrim despite the fact it sold quite well; there are still bugs that need to be squashed within such as, no quest text displaying at high resolutions (in fact reading about it in forums there are a lot of problems at higher res') and the extreme slowness between pressing the talk to NPC button and the actual starting of the conversation.

There are moments of pure joy in this game like when you discover a new place and it seems so beautiful, exotic and enchanting, or when you find and kill a devastating monster, which are weighed down with moments of pure horror as you re-skill only to find that Blacksmithing cannot compare to Detect Hidden or that the quest you just did is boring and derivative. Had this game come out before Skyrim people would have made sweet love to it with their words, had this game been released by any publisher other than EA it would have received the support that it deserves, had this game done this it would have not received it's punishment score of 7.9.

Hatchi [iOS]

Hatchi brings Tamagotchi to the iPhone complete with it's pixelated graphics and blips and bloops for sounds. It is currently selling for $0.99AU on the Appstore.

As you may be able to tell from these photos your Hatchi doesn't exactly do a lot. You can feed it and it will develop a favourite and disliked food. You need to wash it to keep its hygiene up and to clean away one of it's newest features, poop. You can read it a book and play sport with it, even inject medicine into it when it gets sick but other than that it mostly just sleeps. There are achievements to unlock to keep you playing but it just needs a bit more.

Ultimately you are going to love your pet Hatchi because you raised it but it really doesn't do much at all which is a let down. Some more stats such as how many books read, how many times it's played sport and perhaps a minigame too would make it worth the purchase. The developers threaten the game will get more exciting by listening to and implementing the user bases ideas but it seems small consolation for those who have already paid 6/10.

Octodad Sequel

A new Octodad game is being worked on and is due out next year. Head over to YouTube to watch the latest trailer. You can download the original game for free here.

One Sentence Reviews

The Simpsons Arcade Game [PS3, Xbox 360] If this game had been released ten years ago for 15 dollars I would have bought 4 copies, as it stands today I wouldn't even play the demo 2/10.


Munch Time [iOS] It's cute and quirky but it's a fairly boring puzzler 6/10.


Prison Ball [iOS] The closest thing to prison rape anyone has gotten passed Apple's censors 0/10.

One Sentence Reviews

Spice Bandits [iOS] Another tower defence with some interesting ideas such as multiplayer but it is just another tower defence 7/10.

Star Warfare [iOS] Proves why the Vita needs dual analogs with it's clumsy take on the FPS genre; whilst it is better than others on the platform, the freemium nature will ultimately get to you, as will the feeling, what's the point? 6/10.

Monster [iOS] Randomly swipe at the screen, tap it, no don't tap that, why does the gun fire slightly above where you tap, because the game developers hate you that's why 5/10.

Epoch [iOS, Android]

Epoch is an Australian made game by Uppercut Games utilising the Unreal Engine. Set in an apocalyptic future you play as a robot who is charged with guarding a princess and the game plays out much like a shooter version of Infinity Blade.

Gameplay-wise the game is a cover shooter. It sees you hiding behind the refuse of a destroyed world, rolling and backflipping your way to save the princess. To fire your weapon you just select which enemy to target and it automatically fires for you. This system actually works quite well and is a lot more fun than it sounds. You also get missiles and grenades to make the game more exciting plus an option of which auxiliary device to take, such as a healing device, a device that makes your shots more accurate or even one that slows down time. Defeating a level will give you experience, money and an upgrade torn from your vanquished foes. There is a huge amount of upgrades to choose from and of course you can buy extra in game money through micro-transactions. I still dislike this method as I think that it makes the upgrades harder to get than they should be and the game is costing you $2.99 to start with. Having said that though the upgrades are quite cool and varied and Uppercut Games have already added extra content to the game.

Graphically the game is everything you would expect from the Unreal Engine, detailed high res polygons dancing across your screen. This game would run great on any dual core machine but on my original iphone 4 on hard difficulty and above, the game chugs. There is just too much action on screen. I can't imagine this game running very well on the 3GS either.

It's quite a cool game and I enjoy the combat more than the Infinity Blade system but it's not without it's problems. Overall the game is too short and sees you repeating areas just with a harder difficulty, again something borrowed from Infinity Blade. It's gonna chug on anything other than a dual CPU system when you get into the harder difficulties but there is plenty of fun to be had, plus it's an Australian made game. I bought it on Australia day for $0.99 and at that price it is hard not to recommend 8/10.

One Sentence Reviews

Tiny Island [iOS] This game teaches you that the result of hard work is diminishing returns; no doubt like in this game some overseer is taking a part of your pay and never doling out the shells you so desperately need 5/10.

Robo Gun [iOS] Like all robots from the future you will spin around firing your gun but never question why, when you do question it you will probably stop and do something a little more fun 6/10.

Zen Pinball [iOS] It seems likes a great idea, pinball on your phone but somehow it doesn't work, the screen is too small and some general unresponsiveness make this game merely okay 7/10.

Limbo (Mac OSX)

Limbo has finally found it's way to the Mac after being released on nearly every other platform imaginable. It was originally released on the Xbox 360 in July 2010. Limbo is a puzzle platformer that sees you playing as a boy in a very dark world.

The gameplay is reminiscent of classic puzzle platformers like Another World or the Oddworld series and like those classic games Limbo has a punishing difficulty. Miss that jump by a fraction of an inch or miss-time your run and you could be impaled, crushed or end up the dinner of something big and nasty. Watching your poor character die a thousand deaths is part of the fun of the game but it does get quite frustrating when you are stuck in the same place, seeing him die in the same way. The game sort of counts on the fact that you will get stuck in places because it is very short. Sure it has things to collect and acheivements to unlock but it is over far too quick.

Graphically the game is entirely in black and white which adds to it's overall dark tone. It's really quite creepy; your character is animated in a cute cartoon like fashion but the rest of the world is quite sinister and hostile. The spiders are some of the most terrifying things in the game and when you see one of these coming for you, you will definitely run! The animations of your character dying are also quite brutal; without a doubt this is not a game for children.

The game ran smoothly and I had no problems with bugs under Lion. However the game would constantly crash in Snow Leopard when tabbing out of the game. Overall it is a good game with plenty of strange mechanics (such as brain worms) and a creepy world that does really suck you in but it is far too short to be a premium title 7.5/10.

Cover Orange [iOS]

Cover Orange has been described as Angry Birds in reverse and it is quite a fitting description. Instead of knocking down walls and objects, you build them to protect your oranges. The game has it's origins as a flash game which is still available to play for free online, so if you don't have an iOS device you don't have to miss out.

The aim of the game is to stop the evil cloud from raining upon your oranges. The game features a huge number of levels and for the most part you are smashing through these levels quite easily. Every now and then a level comes a long that is a bit trickier and keeps you on your toes. At first this difficulty spike seemed a little arbitrary but I quite liked it as you felt like you were getting a lot accomplished without feeling like you weren't challenged. The level designs can be quite elaborate though at times you can simply bypass what you are meant to do and just stick a couple of blocks on top of your orange and away you go.

Artistically the game is fairly terrible. It has some of the worst sounds and music in any game I have ever played. The graphics are rudimentary but get the job done. I suppose some of these things can be overlooked because it is aimed at children who either don't care, or perhaps even like the terrible sounds etc. in the game.

It's all about the gameplay for this game and I think you'll agree once you've played through your first 50 levels you'll wonder if you can ever put this game down 9/10.